To branch

To reach, to grow, to break. To be alone. But also to belong, to hold, to partake. To be strong.

Snow

Snow over King’s College Chapel in Cambridge, December 2022. Photo by Jessica Zarins It snowed. It stayed. It melted and refroze and snowed some more. Nature reminded us she’s still here. Have faith, have hope. Live with her, and fight for her. Swimmers and kayaker in the river Cam by Sheeps Green, December 2022. Photo...

Tuesday 6 December 2022. Morning

Cold is expected this week, so I decide to go for a swim while there's still dew rather than frost in the grass. It's a couple or three degrees plus when I cycle to the river, and I wonder if the water will be warmer than the air. When I slip in to the silky...

Senses and elements

I sit by the dying embers of the morning fire in a cottage in Scotland. As is to be expected in November, it's grey and cold outside. Hence the early morning fire, for company, warmth and beauty. My hair and jumper smell of it, my toast and tea taste of it. It burns down quickly...

On purpose

I made a new friend while swimming in the English Channel in my underwear at 2:22 am. We know this not because we were sober and paying attention, but because the sea water broke his watch at the exact time he entered it. Like me, he is a seeker, but I still don't know if...

Monday 12 September 2022. Evening

It's nearly 24 hours since the polls closed in Sweden for the 2022 General Election. With almost all votes counted, it seems that the right of centre coalition, with the support of the far-right party the Sweden Democrats (SD), will have a parliamentary majority of one seat. The votes that haven't yet been counted include...

Anniversary

Tuesday 30 August 2022 Today it's been 15 years since I moved to the UK. It makes me reflect on the times and tales, the person I was and the one I've become. I'm happier now than I've been for much of these years, but still question my decision to live here every day. And...

Summer solstice

It’s the longest day of the year in the Northern Hemisphere, and I’ve just finished what I know will be the best book of 2022: Open Water by Caleb Azumah Nelson. “You stroke each of the dogs’ heads and watch them cower at your gall. You’re descending at a hellish pace but there’s no fire...

Friday 17.06.2022. Evening

Hottest day of the year in England and Wales. And Spain and France. Unnatural. It’s still warm in the house when I go to bed, and I hear mozzies and flies and bees that mistook indoors for outdoors when they saw the light of my lamp. Yesterday’s mozzies and flies and bees lie dead on...

Wednesday 15.06.2022. Afternoon

After watching Life After Life, the TV adaptation of Kate Atkinson’s novel, I’ve been thinking about death and the circularity of time. I live in both the past and the future, as well as savouring the now. I’m back in Wendover for a couple of weeks. This means no swimming, but instead there’s the cat...

Saturday 28 May 2022. Midday

Having avoided writing and exercise – things that make me feel good – all morning, I eventually sit down in the garden to feel a bit shit about myself. Sometimes my fear of failing is so deep and complex that I think it's actually success that I fear more: starting something, working hard and then...