To branch

To reach, to grow, to break. To be alone. But also to belong, to hold, to partake. To be strong.

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Sunday 13 October 2019. Evening

The fire's roaring. The cat's asleep on the carpet. The yellow leaves fall from the trees in the rain. It's Sunday evening, the end of a weekend at my cousin's in the countryside. The extinction rebels are fighting our cause in London. We talk about the few years we have left on this planet as...

Thursday 10 October 2019. Morning

An illness. A cold. Enough to keep me from working, from writing, from swimming. A week. Some days. Of resting, of sneezing, of coughing. Of birthdays. My best friend's, my ex-boyfriend's. I wish them both happy new years, they both reply, only one of them means it and only one of them gives me anxiety....

Monday 23 September 2019. Equinox

It smells like autumn outside, and it was dark when my alarm went off. By the time I leave for the river, it's just light enough to see colours. The kayak man is there for a swim too. We're friends now. I know his name and he knows mine. We chat as we swim, I...

Sunday 21 September. Morning

It's warm but it's cloudy. The birds sing as I drink my tea in the garden. I don't need sunglasses, or a jumper. Soon I will go inside and start writing. I think I've solved the pacing problems in chapter 3 of the novella. But who knows, maybe it's all terrible. I'm hoping to continue...

Wednesday 18 September 2019. Evening

The page that meets me is not the dreaded empty, white. It's full of first draft words that need to be worked into a second, better draft. I'm about halfway through the editing and redrafting of my novella project, and scene is meant to be intimate, important, interesting. but I'm so tired I have no...

Monday 09 September 2019. Night

I met the kayak man again this morning. He was swimming and said that I'd inspired him to do it every day. That was nice. The river is colder now, and today also the air and and the rain. I'm tired and house is a mess still, from parties and prorogation. I'm enjoying Cambridge in...

Wednesday 04 September 2019. Midday

On Sunday, it was the first day of the calendar autumn. On Monday, we booked our team Christmas dinner at work. (Since then I've also had Dean Martin's It Won't Cool Off from his Christmas album stuck in my head) On Tuesday, Parliament reconvened after its summer recess to new chaos and unprecedented divisions. On...

Friday 30 August 2019. Midday

Last night I finished the last page of my diary. Today is therefore time for a new page, a new book, a new start. Today twelve years ago, 30 August 2007, I set sail on a new journey. It was the date I moved to the United Kingdom. I was 19 and terrified with excitement....

Thursday 22 August 2019. Morning

The Cambridge river is warmer than the Baltic Sea. It welcomes me back, even though the different light tells of time passed. I swim with ducks, mallards, petals and algae today. The trees are still green and the sunlight still reflects the water ripples on the underside of the branches. The river is dark under...