Anniversary

Tuesday 30 August 2022 Today it's been 15 years since I moved to the UK. It makes me reflect on the times and tales, the person I was and the one I've become. I'm happier now than I've been for much of these years, but still question my decision to live here every day. And... Continue Reading →

Summer solstice

It’s the longest day of the year in the Northern Hemisphere, and I’ve just finished what I know will be the best book of 2022: Open Water by Caleb Azumah Nelson. “You stroke each of the dogs’ heads and watch them cower at your gall. You’re descending at a hellish pace but there’s no fire... Continue Reading →

Wednesday 15.06.2022. Afternoon

After watching Life After Life, the TV adaptation of Kate Atkinson’s novel, I’ve been thinking about death and the circularity of time. I live in both the past and the future, as well as savouring the now. I’m back in Wendover for a couple of weeks. This means no swimming, but instead there’s the cat... Continue Reading →

Saturday 28 May 2022. Midday

Having avoided writing and exercise – things that make me feel good – all morning, I eventually sit down in the garden to feel a bit shit about myself. Sometimes my fear of failing is so deep and complex that I think it's actually success that I fear more: starting something, working hard and then... Continue Reading →

Went to Riga. Came home

I've been going to Riga almost every year since 2016 (pandemic excluded). The first time I hoped for a sense of inherited belonging, that I'd feel at home in my ancestral city. It wasn't without disappointment that I realised that I'm not Latvian, but Swedish-Latvian, and don't belong in Riga, but belong where I create... Continue Reading →

Birtheve

On the eve of my birthday, I wake up from a dream about death. A body had been buried in a pond; maybe I had killed the person and put it there. But now I was part of the search team trying to find it and bring it back up, since the decomposition of the... Continue Reading →

Cambridge for Ukraine

Today I went on a march for peace for and solidarity with Ukraine. It was organised by Ukrainian scholars and members of the public with the intention of raising awareness of the severity of the conflict, and collecting funds for the aid effort. It was a sunny day and felt great to be out. My... Continue Reading →

One month on

When I sent a link to this blog to some colleagues yesterday I realised I hadn't updated it for a month. In a way, it feels like it was yesterday; in another it feels like it was a lifetime ago. What a month it's been. Every entry in my journal since 24 February 2022 have... Continue Reading →

How do you get rid of anger?

On my skin, in my dreams, and through my breath I start to see signs of repressed anger. It might actually be so repressed that I'm not entirely sure what I'm angry over. Which makes it very difficult to know how to unrepress it, let it out, and get rid of it. The main source... Continue Reading →

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