Sunday 22 May 2022. Evening

The swimming spot in the river Cam, Cambridge, May 2022. Photo by Jessica Zarins Went for a long swim this morning. So long I struggled to warm up on the cycle home. It felt incredible, to not be in a rush and to just follow the river. The rest of the day I spent in... Continue Reading →

Monday 2 May. Morning

I saw a kingfisher on my walk in Coldham’s Common, and knew it would be a special day. The darting electric blue and brown belly you only see when it lands was unmistakable, and I thought this is the fourth kingfisher I’ve seen in the five years I’ve lived in Cambridge. And it was a... Continue Reading →

The entropy of anxiety

Bo Burnham and Sally Rooney are both a few years younger than me, and more talented brilliant and successful than me. But they both seem to suffer many of the same anxieties as me, as our entire generation. Natural and ecological decline, economic hardships, and political uncertainty have been the backdrop to the millennial coming... Continue Reading →

Poopy phone: prose

Because of some heart palpitations, caused by stress and anxiety, I'm not drinking at the moment. So I can't even blame it on a good night, dropping my phone in the toilet. It was in my back pocket after watching Ocean's Eleven, tidying up the living room and the kitchen, and when brushing my teeth.... Continue Reading →

Poopy phone

I dropped my phone into the loo. Beyond repair, all was lost. Three years of photos, texts and memories; the current latest message, pic and tune sent from an ex in anger on what I guess was one bad day. Not even drunk, since I'm not drinking because of issues with my heart, from stress... Continue Reading →

Therapy

Hello Doctor. Hello Jessica. What seems to be the problem? I feel an existential dread and anxiety over life itself, while also fearing death; my own, my loved ones, the natural world's. I'm trapped in an abyss-like darkness of my own thinking and the inevitable decline and death of the planet and human society. Petrified... Continue Reading →

Distancing: Day 9

I think my parents read this blog. And I worry they take it as the same kind of truth as what I tell or write to them in person.   Being confined to a small living area for 24 hours a day, for six days in a row can make you feel bottled up. Particularly... Continue Reading →

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