On the eve of my birthday, I wake up from a dream about death. A body had been buried in a pond; maybe I had killed the person and put it there. But now I was part of the search team trying to find it and bring it back up, since the decomposition of the... Continue Reading →

Tuesday 19 January 2022. Evening

I'm thinking of moving to the coast. It might be remote and isolated from everything and everyone I know, but maybe I'll meet someone. Make a friend. Even if it's just myself. Or the sea. But maybe it's not right, I'm not sure. Sweden is upping its defence presence on the island of Gotland, in... Continue Reading →

Writing dream

Last night I woke up around 1am from the strongest sensation of being rocketed up to the kosmos, and wanting to come back to earth to my body. I saw the circles of the universe and consciousness before and around me, twirling in patterns at light-speed, in a way that was impossible to control. Whether... Continue Reading →

Sunday 14 March 2021. Morning

Ship sailing in the distance. Photo by Jessica Zarins, 2019. Yesterday was my best day in ages. Finally a day where I felt like I did something new, experienced something. And all within current recommendations and rules. I got to go with my housemate to their vaccination in Bury St Edmonds, the historical Suffolk market... Continue Reading →

Belong by not belonging

I went sailing in Sweden. My sister took me to waters and landscapes from when we were children. I wished those who never truly saw me could see me there; in my element, my environment. Perhaps they would understand more about me then. Perhaps I could understand more about myself there. I returned to Cambridge... Continue Reading →

Monday 24 June 2019. Afternoon

Bringing your whole self into work Someone told me that people should bring their whole selves into work. Rather than just bringing part of ourselves and our capacity, we should bring all aspects of ourselves – hobbies, dreams, families – to work, and make work part of life, and life part of work. This is... Continue Reading →


His name goes green on Google chat. He won't see mine, it's too far down. Despite the anger and the hate, my god I miss him.   hi Hi! are you there ? or are you just someone I used to dream of What do you mean? do you exist Well yeah! i exist too... Continue Reading →

Monday 10 December 2018. Night-morning

It's one of those nights where the tiredness can't defeat the adrenaline fuelled energy of my thoughts, and send me to sleep. Christmas songs spin on repeat and I think about my writing. What to write tomorrow, and whether what I wrote yesterday was good enough. My best writing always comes in that Aurora-state between... Continue Reading →

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