Birtheve

On the eve of my birthday, I wake up from a dream about death. A body had been buried in a pond; maybe I had killed the person and put it there. But now I was part of the search team trying to find it and bring it back up, since the decomposition of the... Continue Reading →

Tuesday 18 May 2021. Morning

River Cam at Sheeps Green, Cambridge. Photo by Jessica Zarins, 18 May 2021 The river is full after the rains, and maybe 10 degrees. It will be the last time in a while that I swim in it, just as it’s getting addictive. Once a week isn’t quite enough anymore. It no longer makes me... Continue Reading →

Thursday 10 October 2019. Morning

An illness. A cold. Enough to keep me from working, from writing, from swimming. A week. Some days. Of resting, of sneezing, of coughing. Of birthdays. My best friend's, my ex-boyfriend's. I wish them both happy new years, they both reply, only one of them means it and only one of them gives me anxiety.... Continue Reading →

Monday 09 September 2019. Night

I met the kayak man again this morning. He was swimming and said that I'd inspired him to do it every day. That was nice. The river is colder now, and today also the air and and the rain. I'm tired and house is a mess still, from parties and prorogation. I'm enjoying Cambridge in... Continue Reading →

Thursday 22 August 2019. Morning

The Cambridge river is warmer than the Baltic Sea. It welcomes me back, even though the different light tells of time passed. I swim with ducks, mallards, petals and algae today. The trees are still green and the sunlight still reflects the water ripples on the underside of the branches. The river is dark under... Continue Reading →

Tuesday 9 July 2019. Morning

It starts to rain as I leave my clothes on the bench and in my swimming costume walk to the step ladder into the river. The grey sky and the green of the trees leaning in over it like a rib-cage render the rippled surface the same colours, so the sky is as immersive as... Continue Reading →

Sunday 23 September 2018. Evening

Tomorrow is the start of a new chapter. From today the days will be shorter than the nights, and I will work in an office and make money and pay bills. Tonight the sun sets over Cambridge and I am nervous like the new kid in school. Will they like me? Will I like them?... Continue Reading →

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