Thursday 20 August 2020. Evening

Who can sail without the wind?

Who can row without oars?

Who can leave their one true dear

without shedding a tear?

I can sail without the wind.

I can row without oars.

But not leave my one true dear

without shedding a tear.

As the Swedish nursery rhyme goes. I hum it every time I leave Sweden, saying good bye to friends, family and nature. I remember the first time I left for the UK, in 2007 when I was 19, and sat alone at Arlanda airport and cried every drop of water in me for the step I was taking into adulthood. All these years later, each good-bye is still as hard.

Why do I do it? My family asks, and I ask myself. The distance, the loneliness, the missing of them, my truest dears. Why?

The adventure.

Thirteen years later, and every time I leave it’s a choice. I chose adventure, independence, excitement, otherness and foreignness. I’m blessed to have two home countries or none, depending on your point of view. Both become dream realities, living fantasies, where I don’t belong but also do. The life I live I make myself, I chose myself.

It’s sad and it’s difficult, but it’s a privilege. I pay the price for adventure every time I chose it.

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